About

Unveiling a world that exists but is invisible. A search for submersion in the name of tragedy, desire, madness, deception, and chaos. Nothing orderly ever.

Home

Home is a whirlwind of bad decisions and a boat with too little direction to tread. I find comfort in floods. Home is a directory of mistakes and misery and desire and lust and mindlessness and contemplation and hope. I have always been uncertain in my steps. I have never belonged to buildings or families or people. My house is not mine in sincerity. It feels most like a home when there are others to infiltrate the space and I do the same to theirs and I begin to realize that home to me is not the shell of people but an infiltration of inhospitable places. We each come from these spaces and acquire occupations as professional time passers to avoid the inevitable return back to the root of love in places we shouldn’t be.

Haunting & Memory

I ask my doctor if it is normal to not remember which of your life is yours and he waves me off and murmurs some medical terms I do not understand. Is it still me if I don’t remember the land I was raised in? I tell people I was born in the Ocean because water holds secrets and I have always viewed it as my origin more than the land.

I have been taken from the sea to a port city in Belize with a yellow house and a red door where the hibiscus never stop blooming. Or to the enclosed concrete in Fort Lauderdale, Florida where it is always grey despite the everlasting sunshine or maybe the house in the rainforest with the dogs utop the hill, the light green walls and scent of oranges and waterfalls. Maybe even the city of Miami, Florida where I watched myself grow old. Are they lies? Do I have a right to anything less than the present?

Dichotomy

It is through sleeplessness, that I understand the blend of concepts typically known to contrast, creating a completely new perspective. For example, good is commonly categorized with the sun and evil, the moon (luna)– deception, sleep, dreams, and delusions (luna-tic- the belief from the past that you went mad if you followed the moon).

Although being awake is seen as clarity and enlightenment, individuals suffering from insomnia view the intake of the abundance of vitality as “torture.” Yin and Yang (a Chinese philosophy) were created by these principles of good and evil instead of separate. They weave into one another and need one another. If you dig deeper into unconsciousness and consciousness, sleep is the closest state you can achieve while being alive to death.